Gresham male seeks one special woman

Added: Joann Davie - Date: 13.12.2021 13:03 - Views: 19918 - Clicks: 7780

What are men and women looking for in a partner? What s for the different 'shopping lists' of men and women? Genetic similarity theory vs the quest for 'hybrid vigour'. The games and strategies adopted in securing a desired partner within the sexual market-place. Predicting long-term compatibility and relationship success.

Gresham male seeks one special woman

This lecture is a part of the series, The Psychology of Mating and Dating. Other lectures in this series include: In the brain of the beholder? The principles of beauty and sex appeal Born Gay? The origins of sexual orientation. Glenn D. Wilson is one of Britain's best-known psychologists. He has appeared on numerous television and radio programmes and has published more than scientific articles and 33 books. He is an expert on individual differences; social and political attitudes; sexual behaviour, deviation and dysfunction; and psychology applied to the performing arts.

Apart from being a professional psychologist, Dr Wilson trained as an opera singer at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama in London and still undertakes professional engagements as an actor, singer and director. He has ly given lectures at Gresham College as the Visiting Gresham Professor of Psychologywhere he has proven his skills as a popular and thought-provoking lecturer.

According to a well-known T-shirt slogan, 'sex is good for one - but it's even better for two. How do we choose a mate? The principles of beauty and sex appeal described in my lecture are important and there are many other traits like intelligence, sense of humour, kindness and good temper that are fairly universally valued. Ideally, we would all like a stunningly beautiful and perfect partner, but that is seldom practical and so prioritisation, compromise and trade-offs are necessary. Of course, men and women have different shopping lists Davis, Women place a higher value on attributes that favour provision of resources things like wealth, social status, creativity, intelligence and supportiveness kindness, honesty, loyalty, and generosity.

Men put a higher premium on youth and sexual desirability. Hence a common trade-off is for an Gresham male seeks one special woman, socially powerful man to date or marry a younger, more beautiful woman. The reverse trade-off rich older woman with hunky young man is much less common and rather unstable. The term 'trade-off' implies that an economic market operates in the sphere of human mating. This is indeed the case. It appears that we assess our own mate value and seek a partner who measures up to it, providing equity Li et al, Studies of lonely heart advertisements reveal that women who describe themselves as physically desirable set higher criteria for the sought partner with respect to financial and occupational status.

Reciprocally, the more resources a man offers the greater are his requirements with respect to physical attractiveness. Men with few resources stress domestic virtues and willingness to 'commit' Bereczkei, et al, Implicit in all this is a concept of fair exchange. For both men and women, physical attractiveness is the primary gate-keeper, minimum standards being set in accordance with the value set upon oneself. If partners are rejected at the first-pass filter immediate impression they will never get to be appreciated for their finer virtues.

This is because errors in mating are more 'costly' for women, as described by the principle of parental investment Trivers, Women 'invest' more in parenthood than do men. Pregnancy takes a woman out of circulation for a year or so, whereas a man can cultivate oats in one place while simultaneously sowing wild ones elsewhere. It follows that women are generally more selective about the genetic quality of their partners and more oriented toward long-term considerations. The difference between men and women is typified in a little exchange in Woody Allen's film Annie Hall.

She : 'sex without Gresham male seeks one special woman is an empty experience'. He : 'Yes, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. Both men and women prioritise physical attractiveness for a short-term sexual fling and shift their criteria towards other attributes such as personality and intelligence when a long-term romantic relationship is considered Regan et al, But this is not the way they actually behave.

In practice, people tend to choose 'birds of a feather' partners similar to themselves. What is more, such relationships are generally happier and longer lasting. Among the traits on which assortative mating has been documented are physical attractiveness, body build, height, intelligence, personality, attachment style, religion, politics, interests and values.

This is not just a matter of growing to be alike over time, the similarity is almost as strong among newlyweds Watson, et al, Any increases in similarity over time that are observed are mostly down to 'chalk and cheese' couples breaking up. As we shall see, certain differences are known to be 'deal breakers'. Where there is a typical difference between men and women we are usually better off with a partner who differs from ourselves in the standard direction.

Height is a good example. Men are on average about 5 inches taller than women, so people's preferences are adjusted in accordance with their own physique Pawlowski, Tall men mate with women who are tall, but not as tall as themselves, and the same goes for shorter people. The ideal seems to be a ratio of about 1.

Gresham male seeks one special woman

The reversal of this e. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman is unusual and unstable.

Gresham male seeks one special woman

The same principle applies to many gender related traits like personality dominance and sensitivity and it may be partly this that validates the complementation principle in the minds of some people. Another trait where similarity applies, but with a standard difference, is age. It occurs because the prime commodity values of women fertility and men resource provision peak at different ages.

The pattern is seen in all cultures and throughout history, so it is not surprising that it has reproductive ificance. Couples with this kind of age-gap are also least likely to divorce. Canadian statistics derived from six million married and divorced couples in showed that the lowest divorce rate occurred where the husband was six years older than the wife. Data from Swiss couples showed that when a wife is five or more years older than her husband there is a three-fold increased likelihood of divorce compared to same-age couples Cao et al, The CQ compares the separate answers of two people on a series of questions such as 'How important to you is sexual fidelity?

If one believes household tasks should be shared equally while the other thinks women should do the lot, then again conflict is inevitable. Other issues tapped include body build and attractiveness, intelligence and education, personality and life style, religious and political attitudes, and views about sexual permissiveness, children, money and tidiness.

The CQ test consists of 25 items spanning such areas of potential conflict that are answered independently by two potential partners. The sum of all discrepancies is calculated and referred to a 'normal' distribution like that of IQ scores, such that scores above indicate compatibility, while those below suggest a poorer prognosis. Validation studies have shown that happy couples have higher CQs than those who are dissatisfied.

Since CQ scores can be calculated for pairs of people who have not yet met, the method is ideal for on-line dating but it also applies to prenuptial counselling and marriage guidance. Given the importance of stable relationships both to society and to individual happiness this seems worthwhile. What are the origins of the similarity principle in mating? Various ideas have been mooted such as propinquity - mating with people who live and work close to us and are therefore likely to be similar. After all, 'mating requires meeting' and the 'one and only' usually lives within driving distance.

The fact that we have more successful relationships with people who share our same interests and values might be attributed partly to the amount of time spent together 'those who play together stay together'. Egotism is Gresham male seeks one special woman involved.

We feel more comfortable with people who share our physical and attitude traits because they validate us. An overweight person will be less fearful of criticism if their partner is fat. If they vote for the same politicians they are 'sensible'; if they pray to the same god they are 'true believers'. There is evidence that people with alliterative first names like Barry and Barbara pair off more than would be expected by chance, as do people with similar surnames.

A study in which details of potential partners were arbitrarily coded so as resemble the participant's birthdate or notfound that those with a code resembling their own birthdate were judged more likeable Jones et al, Apparently we are attracted to people who remind us of ourselves. Part of our preference for similar mates comes from genetics. Assortative mating was confirmed for many traits e. In other words, people were pairing off with similar others on these traits. This was especially so with respect to the most heritable traits. The authors argue that choosing genetically similar partners helps to perpetuate one's own genes.

The mechanism by which we detect partners who are genetically similar is not entirely clear, but one possibility is early experience of close relatives. The story of Oedipus, the man who unwittingly married his mother, has fascinated many intellectuals over the centuries, including Wagner and Freud, who sensed a profound truth in the myth. This observation supports the idea that genetic similarity is a powerful force Gresham male seeks one special woman mate choice and modelling our partner on a template derived from viewing our parents at some critical period in childhood is a likely cause.

There is strong animal evidence for parental imprinting of adult sex targets. For example, Kendrick, et al showed that kids reared by a sheep mother and lambs reared by a goat grow up to fancy the 'wrong' species, the effect being most noticeable with males. Similar effects have been found with humans. However, it appears that the relationship good or bad with the opposite-sex parent moderates this relationship to some degree. Women who rate their childhood relationship with their father as positive show a stronger match to their partner Wiszewska, et al, and a parallel effect has been observed for men.

If we fall in love with an image of our parent, how is it that few of us make the mistake of Oedipus and pursue close relatives sexually?

Gresham male seeks one special woman

Most cultures and religions have powerful taboos against incest but it is doubtful that these are much needed. The parent on whom we founded our sexual template has grown much older by the time we are sexually mature and so fits the template rather badly. As for our siblings, we are protected from desiring them by a process of 'familiarity breeds contempt' called the Westermarck Effect after the Finnish anthropologist who identified it. Animals generally do not like to mate with others they have been reared with, regardless of whether or not they are genetically similar, but this brake is not applied if they are reared apart.

Smell may help to protect us from excessive inbreeding. The major histocompatibility complex MHC governs our immune system and is detectable through smell. Animals generally prefer to mate with individuals of differing MHC, thus promoting hybrid vigour by broadening the immune spectrum of their offspring. There is some evidence that this applies to humans also but women, who are generally more smell-oriented, vary with their breeding mode. When mid-cycle, not pregnant, not on the pill and engaged in extra-pair mating, they prefer individuals of dissimilar MHC.

When not breeding and in need of security and support e. We have discussed some of the factors, both rational and mysterious, that determine mating choices. We now turn to the forces which operate to tear relationships asunder.

Gresham male seeks one special woman

We have seen that dissimilarity in key areas can cause relationships to come unstuck. But there are other powerful instincts that operate to threaten marriage, such as boredom and the genetic desire for partner variety.

Gresham male seeks one special woman

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